


Stones and a Glass House

by Mercyisnotasignofweakness



Series: Drabbles, requests and more [17]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Papyrus finds out, Sans loves trashy romance novels, Trashy Romance Novels, but - Freeform, crack-fic, seriously, this is just for fun, this was the most hilarious thing to write ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 23:31:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7594636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercyisnotasignofweakness/pseuds/Mercyisnotasignofweakness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <b>Underfell Sans is really into trashy romance novels... <i>and his brother finds out.</i></b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stones and a Glass House

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was a thing that appeared one day on my Discord server while we were all being idiots and goofing around. A great thing has been created. 
> 
> This is un-betaed.

_**“Sans!”** _

Shit. Papyrus is calling, and he has that roughness in his voice that tells Sans he’s pissed as all hell. _Great._ Just what he needed the second he entered the damn house.

“what is it boss?!” Sans yells back to Papyrus. He doesn’t hurry to shrug off his coat and doesn’t care when it doesn’t stay hanging on the hook, but instead falls to the floor. Pap will surely kick his ass for that later, but frankly, Sans couldn’t care less right now. He had a shitty day and he just really want to go to his room and unwind a bit with a little help from his secret box.

The thought of hiding away in his bed and sinning in secret for a few hours makes him smile. Oh hell yeah, that is going to be good. Last time he had to stop just before the good part and it nearly killed him that he had to pack the box away before the tension got released.

“Come up here Sans! I want to ask you about something!” Papyrus shouts. Sans tilts his head a little in question. Is he in Sans’ room right now? The hell is he doing there? The place grosses him out and Sans deliberately keeps it greasy and messy to keep his brother out. Sans hates that mess just as much as his brother does, but it’s necessary to make sure that Papyrus _never_ finds…

OH ** _SHIT!_**

“boss!!! the fuck are you doing in my room?!” Sans exclaims the second he appears next to his bed. Papyrus is standing at the cabinet, his back to Sans and he is holding something in his hands. His shoulders are tensed and hunched, his skull red as a tomato. Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck fuck fuck!_

_okay, take it easy sansy. he might just have found your sextoys. no problem. those are easy to explain. this doesn’t have to mean he found…_

“H-how…” Papyrus actually stops to **giggle**. _shit._

“What is this, dear brother?” Papyrus asks as he turns around. He presents a small rectangle to Sans and even points to it, like Sans would ever be able to doubt what he was asking about.

Sans feels himself shrink four inches.

“t-that’s j-just ehhh…. emergency f-firewood?” Sans tries, offering a pathetic shrug. He knows that Papyrus knows exactly what he is standing with in his hands. Papyrus knows that Sans knows that he knows and that is why his smile becomes even more shiteating.

“Oh?” Papyrus says, “Well, you wouldn’t mind me using these to light the fireplace then, would you Sans?” Papyrus picks up the box and is out of the room terrifyingly fast.

“WAIT!” Sans screams, teleporting after him, “b-bro no! h-hold on! stop for fuck sake!” Papyrus stops on the staircase. Sans desperately wants to punch the stupid grin off his face.

“i-i.. it’s… t-they’re…”

“Yes, Sans?” Papyrus prompts him. The bastard is gloating. He already knows he won and Sans knows it too. This will mean endless teasing for the rest of his damn life. He is done. It’s over. He needs to move into a hole somewhere to hide his shameful, dirty, sinning ass.

“i like them, ok?” Sans finally admits, giving up. He throws his hands out to the side in a lazy gesture. “i think they are brilliant. i love them.”

“It is trashy romance novels Sans” Papyrus says, shaking a book in front of his face, “Human trashy romance novels.”

“and i can’t freaking get enough of them!” Sans says, feeling a rant coming on, “they are intriguing, funny as all hell, hotter than freaking porn…”

“What?!” Papyrus asks, exploding into hulking laughs, “You get _off_ on these? Oh fuck, that's hilarious!” Sans turns completely red. _keep your damn mouth shut for once, sansy you damn bonehead!_

“so? it’s better than jerking off in a closet to a figurine of a damn robot!” Sans counters, effectively shutting Papyrus up.

“That happened ONCE!” Papyrus exclaims, “And I was 16!”

“twice! and you were 20” Sans corrects him.

“W-well! … Ehm…” Papyrus seems to be desperately thinking about a comeback. Sans snickers, but his smile stiffens when Papyrus straightens in triumph.

“Nyeh heh! At least _I’m_ not a creeper who watches his brother masturbate!” Papyrus declares, seeming very proud of himself. Sans’ smile returns with maximum power.

“i’m not the brat that moans so loud the damn _walls_ are vibrating. seriously pap, it’s three times _a week_. a skeleton needs his beauty sleep.”

Papyrus 's face turns completely red. His hand is slowly moving closer and closer to the floor. “I-It’s perfectly normal to be vocal when you are enjoying yourself” Papyrus says weakly, “Besides, it is not my sins we are shaming right now! It is yours!” His confidence returns a little, but somehow, Sans isn’t embarrassed anymore.

“sure, i’m a dirty human fucker. i admit and accept that. but _i_ don’t let grillby fuck me over the stoves in the kitchen” Sans says, watching Papyrus’ reaction from the corner of his eye.

Papyrus’ jaw drops. “HOW DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?!” he shouts.

“heh, i just told ya bro. you’re _loud_. the entire town knows you two get it on every thursday night. besides, those burn marks you supposedly got from "climbing trees too quickly"? pretty obvious hand prints bro.” Sans lets out a laugh and snatches his not-so-secret-anymore trashy romance novels stash out of Papyrus’ hands. “guess i know why you hate coming to grillby’s now. i would too if grillby made me scream like a bitch in heat like that. jeez.”

“H-hey! Where are you going? I’m not done teasing you yet!” Papyrus calls after him when Sans starts walking back to his room.

“sure you are bro” Sans says and looks back at Papyrus, just so he can wink at him, “it’s thursday, after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come join me on Tumblr for more shenanigans! [Mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com](http://mercyisnotasignofweakness.tumblr.com/)


End file.
